Well, it’s midnight reflections in my Beijing hostel’s bar. I fly home tomorrow after 10 months in what sometimes feels like an alternate universe. Already, I notice the ways this layover in Beijing is offering a more gentle transition – there are foreigners everywhere, so many people speak english, I ate vietnamese spring rolls for dinner, the airport bathroom I used didn’t even have squat toilets. Still, I anticipate re-entry into America will hit me hard. A friend of mine from college just arrived in Chengdu Sunday to visit my friend Walter; observing his reactions to what has become so “normal” to me made me keenly aware of how much my life has changed, and likewise my perspective on life and the big world we live in. A herd of employees doing an aerobic dance workout outside the hair salon or restaurant they work at doesn’t surprise me anymore; I don’t even notice the way street shops hang fresh cuts of meat on metal hooks all day; I somehow have an unmerited brazen confidence riding my bike into oncoming traffic; I am still grossed out but by no means appalled to see adults helping their small children pee (or worse) right on the sidewalk (or worse). Have I become slightly Chinese? Or have I just chilled out?
There is so much I look forward to in going home – my family, my friends, the food, the law and order, the convenience, and on and on. But I’m aware it’s going to come with it’s fair share of intense reverse culture shock. It’s so strange to reflect on the trepidation of last August – when I was bound for a place I had no connection to and no real knowledge of, besides what I’d learned in school or from the news. While I’ve spent a lot of this year beating myself up for not having things turn out the “way” I wanted them to (whatever that means), I’m starting to realize dwelling on a “way” is a counterproductive exercise, one that prevents you from focusing on what you have done and seen and learned. Which is a lot.
I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out if “learned” was the right verb tense in the sentence above- I officially need to go speak English for 6 weeks. Farewell for now, China. It’s been real.
