Tag Archives: wtf

IKEA

Yesterday  I broke my own rule: I went to Ikea on a Sunday. I beat Jeff at monopoly at brunch, and we had some significant victory conditions on the line – if he won, home for a hangover nap; if i won we’d go get ourselves a Christmas tree. Last year Jeff surprised me when I came home one night to a decorated Ikea tree – it was the best thing to happen all season, and it’s presence alone made our (loud, frustrating, freezing) apartment a little more tolerable. But somehow in the past 11 months, we seem to have misplaced that fake little tree. So off we went for tree #2.

Ikeas all over the world are pretty chaotic, set up as dizzying labyrinths of everything you could possibly want in any size apartment or house. The maze-like design just makes it worse – you MUST navigate through sofas and bureaus and bathroom fixtures even if all you want is a mixing bowl.

So please, just imagine this average-Ikea chaos and multiply it by mobs of pushing, line cutting, frantic Chinese people. Then double that because it’s the weekend and entire families make a day of this place. With regards to Ikea I don’t even feel bad generalizing – in Chengdu the customers are nuts. It might be something in the soft serve, because I swear everyone in there is brandishing at least 2 cones.

My desire for to set up our apartment for Christmas outweighed my fear of an Ikea Sunday. Besides, the Christmas decorations are situated right before the check-out lines, so I figured we could enter through the exit and avoid most of the madness.

But then Jeff decided we should plunge deeper into the beast, to look for “inspiration” for our guest room – a room that’s drabness really bothers Jeff  for some reason when he’s getting dressed in there every morning.

Where my protests failed to deter him, the sheer directional flow of people did. It became clear by the first frames-and-flowers section that we WOULD be trampled by shopping carts if we continued. So we retreated, only to end up in one of the 20 checkout lines that don’t resemble lines as much as packs of people trying to defeat the purpose of a line. A cart full of Christmas spirit helped me stay calm, but I got nervous when Jeff almost came to blows with a little old lady who decided she could start putting her stuff, and her body, on our cart. Personal space in Chengdu: unlikely. Personal space at Ikea: no freaking way.

After 30 minutes defending our rightful order, we could see the hazy, smoggy light on the other side of the Ikea doors. We escaped but not without first trying to capture the craziness in a several bad Iphone photos. I think you may have to see to believe.

I won’t be going back anytime soon, but I must say the prize was worth the price – wine + Christmas decorating REMAIN the best way to spend a Sunday evening, no matter what side of the world you’re on.

gaffe!

I received a lesson in humility yesterday (after watching gaffe-prone Biden deliver a pretty gaffe-free speech, but more on that later) while sitting on my stoop with Jeff and a few friends enjoying some sunday afternoon beers.

One of the best things about our new apartment complex is the huge courtyard around which the buildings are set. It is one of the larger patches of grass I’ve seen in Chengdu (other than some amazing parks) and is kept perfectly landscaped and unusually green. In other words, we finally have a lovely spot to sit outside right on our doorstep. It’s nice.

A middle-aged chinese man walked by us with a beautiful golden retriever and an equally beautiful husky (unusual sight, most Chinese prefer small dogs). Said husky decided to do his business on the stone pathway directly in front of where we were sitting, so he got started, right as I was thinking how lovely the afternoon was. In alcohol induced irritation and disgust I declared “That man BETTER pick up that dog’s shit or I am going to ….” (fill in the blank). I said this because I frequently watch people watch their dogs (or kids, which is certainly worse) go to the bathroom on our communal property (and every street / sidewalk, ever) and not do anything about it. It’s gross. Unfortunately, this particular man turned around and said “I can understand what you’re saying. I’m from Texas, and I always clean up after my dogs. So, are you still going to kick my ass?”

Foot In Mouth.

Being called out in this way has surprisingly never happened to me before, and was a useful lesson for someone who has gotten quite comfortable complaining in English about what is going on around me. It doesn’t matter that I had a point (my friend accurately pointed out that although he said he “always” cleaned up after his dogs, he was carrying no bag and in fact asked me to hold their leashes while he went to retrieve some newspaper), it mattered that my response was belligerent BECAUSE I did not expect it to be understood. Bad move! At a time where every Chinese kid learns English in school, and in a city that is rapidly developing and increasing it’s numbers of foreigners and elsewhere-born Chinese, it’s good to realize that I’m not always safe talking smack in English. I was obviously mortified and spent the next 10 minutes oogling over his dogs and being overly enthusiastic in my conversation with him so as to reverse the embarrassing damage I had done. He was a pretty nice guy, and probably a good neighbor to not have offended/threatened on first impression. I’m pretty sure I successfully redeemed and explained myself,  but I still blush just thinking about it. I’m awkward, what else is new.

our sacred lawn.

the things they carry.

It’s pretty unbelievable what people manage (or just attempt) to carry on their bikes around here. The serious safety hazards come in all forms – from entire families lined up 4 on a bike with their dog (or baby) panting between their feet, to laborers trying to transport metal beams, or glass window frames, strapped to their back or teetering precariously under their arms. The water delivery guys get around on electric bikes fastened with metal contraptions that hold 4 or more giant water-cooler bottles on either side of them.

Surprisingly I’ve never witnessed an accident involving any of these oversized bike loads until the other day – a water delivery man was trying to veer from the divided bike lane (don’t get it twisted – no one actually sticks to their designated lane) into traffic and miscalculated the positioning of the metal divider. The bottles strapped to his right side collided with the beam, knocking the bottles off the bike and causing his bike to slam down on top of him directly in front of oncoming traffic, where luckily the giant SUV who collided into him was paying enough attention to slam on  their brakes. Quite alarmed, I pulled over to the side of the road and was relieved to see the water guy get right up off the street and start re-attaching those giant bottles to his bike. Everyone moved on and the incident seemed to shock no one. I’ve gotten really used to observing this kind of thing, despite spending the past 24 years of my life in places where traffic is regulated and seatbelts are mandatory. But, as my trip home approaches and I’m forced to reunite with traffic laws and general order, I thought one of the most amusing / disturbing issues in the chaos that is Chengdu traffic was worth a blog entry. Below are some pictures of old men carrying way more than they should. And these examples are actually on the reasonable side….

an old man squatting atop 30 foot long sharp metal beams.... in traffic.

ladder under the arm, twice his size.

time

Since we arrived in China 8 months ago, it became obvious that the structure of time is one of the most blatant differences between our lives pre-China and life now. It’s hard to explain my point without a story about one of our first Sundays in Chengdu.

living on chengdu-time.

Jeff and I made plans for an “interview” with a recruiter looking to place foreign English teachers after meeting him on campus. Before the appointed day we told “David” our parameters: we were hoping to work weekdays and we wanted to work at a school within 3rd ring road (Chengdu is a sprawling city; what’s considered the center of the city is within the first ring,  by the time you get beyond the third ring you’re talking at least an hours worth of traffic). We also told him that we were free for 2 hours on Sunday afternoon, and had plans at 5 o’clock. David picked us up at 1 p.m. and from the moment we jumped on the highway (bad sign), we realized we may as well have been kidnapped (not to be confused with another similar story where I was alone and really did think I was being kidnapped). Completely disregarding anything we had said – but in  the most apologetic and upbeat way – David proceeded to drive us over an hour outside of the city to an English school built within a construction site where they wanted foreign teachers to come once a week for an hour, making it completely not worth the journey. To add insult to injury, he proceeded to thrust me in front of a class of 30 4-year-olds and told me to hold a demo class, right then,  with no preparation or advanced notice. It was awkward.By the time we got back in the car we were both obviously annoyed, but somehow David managed to once again ignore our request to be taken home and drove us another hour to a public school where he promised good hours and good money. Unfortunately, the principal had taken the afternoon off so we waited in a conference room beneath portraits of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao for the interview that would never occur. By the time we left the public school it was after 5 o’clock, 4 hours after he had picked us up and 2 hours past the time we thought we’d be dropped off.

The afternoon became a joke until we realized that what David did wasn’t particularly abnormal in social or business culture. Sure, his tactics were a little extreme, but since that day we’ve both been in countless situation with Chinese friends, acquaintances, potential employers where time has just elapsed, and whatever other plans we said we had, no matter the excuse, were disregarded.

On the one hand it highlights a very American concept of time – we are used to planning our days and booking ourselves up; scheduling a meeting with one person followed by drinks with another and dinner with someone else. It all fits, because no one expects you tospend your entire afternoon or evening doing something – everyone assumes everyone has plans, other social or professional obligations. Maybe we should stop overbooking ourselves and ditching one person for the next, cramming as much into 24 hours as possible.On the other hand it’s just annoying to lose control of your afternoon, or entire day, because you committed to a cup of coffee or an interview. I’m getting better at anticipating Chinese timing, which helps me not get so annoyed when it happens.

This past Saturday we planned to have dinner with Jenny and Hang and Jenny’s boss at 5 p.m. They had a young kid so we were expecting an early affair. Our friends were going to see a Mongolian band play at Little Bar at 8, which I told Jenny we wanted to go to before we even arrived at dinner. By 7 o’clock I tried to subtly check in with Jenny; to gauge how much more bai jiu we were going to have to drink and how much longer we’d be picking at what was left on the lazy susan of Sichuan dishes. Like clockwork, her boss (a big deal kind of guy) informed the table he had just booked the biggest room at his favorite KTV spot. “Clara, I think maybe you can go to the concert some other time,” was Jenny’s apologetic way of saying “This is my boss, neither of us have a choice. It’s time to sing some Lady Gaga.”

Sometimes Chinese time is not on my side – like our memorable Sunday afternoon with David. Other times it surprises me. We missed a great concert Saturday night, but if we’d gone we would’ve missed out on a pretty amusing KTV experience. It’s easy to say Chinese time drives me crazy but, like many cultural contrasts, it has both entertainment value and instructive life lesson: stop thinking time is something to control; just relax and let the night unfold.

healthcare (and hypochondria)

To pick up where I left off last Friday, I digress to describe some of my experiences with healthcare (and hypochondria) over the past week. First, in connection to my visits to one of the public hospitals in the city for some testing I had done, and second in our experience Monday morning at the dreaded “travelers clinic” where we had to get cleared in order to renew our visas.    *Note: Pictures are not permitted in either place.

The Hospital: I ended up at a public hospital in the West of the city because I was having  inexplicable chest pain (here is where hypochondria makes its grand entrance).  Because no doctor likes to tell you to ignore pain in the vicinity of your heart, two very sweet nurses from the Global doctor’s office I go to escorted me to this public hospital, where there was a cardiologist who could see me that afternoon. They told me we’d be going to the “VIP Section;” this was funny when I first heard it, and even funnier when we got to the hospital and I saw what the “VIP Section” really was. Walking into the hospital itself felt more on par with entering Grand Central than any hospital I’ve been to. It was mobbed with people and the central “terminal” held ziz-zags of hundreds of people waiting to pay the “cashiers” or pick up from the gigantic pharmacy (an unfortunate reality of healthcare for the Chinese is that you must pay before you are given service; no matter your condition). We made our way through the maze of people, corridors, and escalators until we arrived at the promised VIP department, which was just an oversized office where “VIP’s” get to wait rather than join the herds camped out on the plastic bus-station-like seating in the waiting areas. We were in the out-patient section of the hospital, so each department had a waiting area (or two) and consultation rooms running up and down the hallways. My “VIP” status didn’t translate to my consultation – I had about 1 minute in the hot seat in front of a cardiologist, surrounded by other patients who were waiting to get her attention. She suggested some tests and with that, it was over.

There was a lot that I noticed during my walk through the hospital that alarmed and surprised me but I tried to keep in mind that this reality, like most things I see every day, is the product of a completely different system and culture and there are some habits and patterns of behavior that aren’t going to change in my 1 or 2 years here, no matter how bizarre (or gross) they seem to me sometimes. This is my nice way of saying it’s still weird to watch people spit on the ground, inside. I finally gave in to my inner-germaphobe when we got to the ultra-sound room, which we entered casually despite the fact that another patient was having his bare chest ultrasound-ed. I instinctively started backing out of the room but, no no, we were supposed to enter. The lack of privacy was disconcerting, but it was more disconcerting when the old man stood up and the doctors ushered me towards the bed, to lay down on the un-changed sheet on which undoubtedly hundreds had laid before me (it took me three years of boarding school to be okay with people laying down on my bed). Yes – I’m a little OCD, and of course I’m exposed to germs and dirtiness all the time, but this was a hospital! A place where people come when they are sick or have health problems! Change the sheet! I asked and they acquiesced to my laowai demands, completely cordially but clearly surprised. The level of cleanliness and the lack of privacy did surprise me, coming from a country where in my experience hospitals may be unnerving but they are always clean and sterile-smelling.  On the other hand, I was registered at the hospital and given two heart tests for exactly $100, unheard of in my familiar American system. The doctors themselves appeared quite competent; their haste was a product of the system – there are just too many people to treat to spend 10 minutes in every consultation, or change the bed sheet, or offer actual privacy – it’s impractical.

The Clinic: Upon arrival Monday morning we knew we were in for … something; lines of at least 200 people trickled out the door and into the parking lot.  I have no idea what kind of jobs here require this type of medical clearance process, but I surmised that the vast majority of those waiting on Monday were day laborers, given their darker, tanned skin and the fact that when we arrived there were virtually no women waiting in line. The clearance process was “organized” by a form issued to everyone, on which there were 7 boxes you needed to get checked off by the various nurses and doctors spread across the three floors of the clinic (eye test, vital signs, ECC, chest x-ray, stomach ultrasound, samples). Trying to accomplish this task felt like a cross between a scavenger hunt and one of those around-the-world parties we had in college (only this time there were no themed rooms or coordinating beverages). There was a slightly adjusted process for foreigners, but this was only for the physical exam portion; we were let into a “private” room, didn’t have to wait, and were seen by a doctor who spoke a little English. For all the other boxes, we were all in it together which meant that lines were ignored, and so was privacy. Unlike in the hospital where I had the chance to ask for a clean sheet for my ultrasound, there was no time for special requests – we filed through for our ultrasounds in 30 second intervals; everyone shared the same sheet, there was no sanitizing of the equipment, and my only concession was that I was able to pull most of the curtain closed so everyone in line didn’t see me with my shirt off.

When it came time for the inevitable blood sample, I did start to balk because it was basically a mob of people pushing up against a glass window behind which sat the nurses, who took a sample of your blood by having you stick your forearm through a hole in the glass. Behind the glass the process was organized;  of course they used brand-new needles and changed their gloves upon request. But the bad habit in China of littering extended to this situation and the ground in front of the window was covered with discarded bloody q-tips, despite there being receptacles for medical waste all around. It was hard to be culturally sensitive in this case, it was gross. The chest x-ray experience was also interesting; in the moment Jeff commented that this was the first time he’d had an X-ray done without being given any protective shield for the rest of his body. When I got home I read an interesting article in the NYT about over-exposing premature babies to the radiation from full-body X-Rays without any protection, which was coincidental timing but made me realize this is a precaution that has been overlooked in America as well, on some of our most vulnerable citizens. The point is that there are flaws to the system, no matter the system (that being said I hope I can hold off on further hospital visits here).

The clinic was very accommodating in rushing our results and I raced back there in the afternoon in order to race to the PSB before 4 to hand over our passports. It all worked out (I think), and although the process was stressful and chaotic, it was definitely a learning experience. Unfortunately, the occasions on which you visit a hospital don’t lend themselves to patience and cultural sensitivity; when you’re nervous and don’t feel well it’s always hard to see the bigger picture. But reflecting back I’m glad I got to see what I did. As we made our way out of the hospital last week through the throngs of people into the parking lot, a moronic lady in her BMW nearly plowed us over for no reason – we were obviously exiting patients, and she didn’t need to accelerate when she did. I couldn’t hold in my frustration to my Chinese nurses any longer – “What is wrong with people?!?!” I said,  my exasperation at the whole experience evident in my outburst. “Have you ever heard the word TIC?” my nurse replied with a smirk. I hadn’t. “My [American] boyfriend says it to me all the time: This Is China.”